where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pants are for mortals
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
