I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
