I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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