my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
