I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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