That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
