Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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