I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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