I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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