Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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