Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
