Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
