I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize