Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
