Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
