I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
