I'm going to jail i love you
I cockslap morals
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
