hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
