Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
