What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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