Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
