wrigley field is MILF paradise
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
