We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
