oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
