Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
