Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
