We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
