he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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