I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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