I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
