Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
