I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
