who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
