Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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