I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
