Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
