Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
