If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
