my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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