you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's rum buckets o'clock
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
