And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
sex in a hospital.. check
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
