he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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