Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
