my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
