okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
