your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize