I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
