we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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