No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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