I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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