i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
