I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Say something about gay babies.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
