Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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