Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
