I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
