Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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