Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
