just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize