Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
