thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
