sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
