I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
