i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
