I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
