If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
a search helicopter?!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
