I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
