In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize