There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
