I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
