just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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