i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
