I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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