I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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