then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
