First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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