a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
