fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
