I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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