I cut my penus on the lid.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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