there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
