i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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