I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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