..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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