Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
