sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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