My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
