she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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