Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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