i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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