Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
