After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
