Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
