can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
