there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
