The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
