so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
