Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
