Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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