Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
